What happens when time itself becomes a debt?
Ben unpacks the invisible interest we pay balancing work, family, and self. Childhood coding sessions, crumpled violin notes, and a quiet stuffed squirrel map a lifetime of borrowed hours and deferred choices. It’s a meditation on opportunity cost, emotional mortgages, and what it means to live on borrowed time while trying to leave something lasting.
Keywords: time debt, emotional mortgages, work-life balance, parenting and legacy, opportunity cost, creative sacrifice, violin and coding, borrowed hours, introspection and presence
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Full Transcript:
YY and Me Episode 5: Time Enough
(piano motif: lowest octave DD held – quick rolled EFA, CDG – linger – slower quieter roll ABF…)
Ben, how do you manage your time effectively between work, family and yourself?
This deserves a longer answer than I can give.
I'm still catching my breath from the last time.
(YY's voice): "I'll do it!"
Sorry YY, but… that's not how this works.
Remember?
(YY's voice): "...you never let me steer."
Yeah… sorry little buddy.
I'm aware.
How do I manage my time effectively?
Honestly… not as well as I could.
But I'm trying.
[pause]
You know, I've played over 10,000 hours of violin.
Written code for double that.
Learned several languages—
each one taught me something different.
Pretty good, on paper.
[pause]
But at what cost?
[pause]
I learned to code pretty young.
My first program?
An arrow, crawling left to right across the screen
Of an old Commodore 64.
No loops. Just repetition.
Manual movement.
[pause]
Hours slipped past faster than I realized I was spending them.
[pause]
When I was a little bit older, my brother wrote a game.
He called it "Lewch."
We played it often.
Together.
[pause]
It helped us bond.
Which is more than I can say
for almost anyone else outside our family.
[pause]
These days, I've started logging where the hours go.
My kids have been asking.
My wife's concerned.
I'm… apparently in the red.
A little bit negative.
(YY's voice): "Maybe you're still borrowing."
[pause]
Borrowing? From what?
(YY's voice): "Not what. Whom."
[pause—darker]
Huh.
Some of those debts…
I think they're coming due.
When you take out a mortgage
on something you believe you need
it lets you do what you couldn't before.
The bank gives you money.
You spend it, take a risk.
Believe it'll grow.
Faster than the interest.
And it feels good.
Really good.
Like clean air in your lungs
after holding your breath too long.
[pause]
Then the dioxide returns.
And you choke.
There was this one moment in high school.
Gym class. Weight room.
[pause]
I had scrawny arms back then.
Still kinda do.
[pause]
My teacher walked over.
Stopped in front of me.
Looked down at my hand.
"What's that?"
He pointed.
Something white.
A note.
[pause]
"It's… from my violin teacher." I said,
Trying to keep my voice level.
[pause—longer]
The paper uncrumpled.
Louder than it should have been.
He frowned.
Audibly.
[pause]
That note didn't just buy me out of gym class.
It bought me an hour I couldn't get back.
[slightly longer pause]
Fast forward several weeks.
I was on stage.
In front of an orchestra.
Wearing a dark suit, matching shoes.
Performing the Beethoven Violin Concerto.
No strained muscles.
(YY's voice): "Hey, I still had to lift weights!"
Opportunity cost? Getting there.
Arms still scrawny.
Legs, unsculpted.
Another crumpled note.
Back on the sidelines…
Watching the others play.
Together.
Without me.
[pause]
I'm… indebted to the violin.
Just not how I expect sometimes.
[pause]
Remember how I told you
That I was a pretty shy kid?
[pause]
My time was already mortgaged
to music,
to coding.
No time for much else.
Not even Chinese school.
[pause]
My parents noticed.
Didn't push back, much.
[pause]
I notice… now.
(YY's voice): "Were you… late?"
Maybe.
Or maybe I'm just…
On time.
I'm not sure.
[pause]
That one shipper…
Who delivered late.
I sent a sharp email.
They didn't apologize.
Was that… deserved?
[pause]
Did I even stop to consider…
maybe he missed the deadline
because of a mortgage?
Interest… spent elsewhere?
[pause]
Marriage.
Four kids.
Lessons learned daily.
Constant juggling of responsibilities.
[pause]
Lots of love.
Heated battles.
Scars, invisible to balance sheets.
Less and less time… for myself.
[pause]
I accepted the risk.
it was calculated.
Expensive.
Non-refundable.
[pause]
This project, consuming hours.
And hours.
Consuming creativity.
Consuming me.
Slowly.
[pause]
Risky.
But… still calculating.
[pause]
Managing work, family, and myself?
It isn't balance.
It's deciding what to borrow.
And paying the interest slowly.
[pause]
So many choices.
Many took their share,
Filled with interest.
No clear path.
But to me, the most important part
Was making them.
Choosing.
Foregoing one option
[pause]
Claiming another.
That's my best advice currently.
Thank you... for asking.
[long pause]
(YY's voice): "...You look tired."
[pause]
This is costing a lot of energy.
Sizable debt, apparently.
[long pause]
Well..
(soft exhale)
That's our time.
(piano motif: lowest octave DD held – quick rolled EFA, CDG – linger – slower quieter roll ABbF…)